I still have no idea who sent me flowers.

I'm not as bitter as I try to appear however.

I know why and there is no mystery.

I'm taking time off.... I know.. Wow.

what am I doing?
how am I doing?
how do I feel?
how am I passing the time?

Well I work... A lot.
I eat food and sleep when I want.
I feel alone most of the time even though I am surrounded.
But oddly I'm not alone, but I am conflicted about it.
how far can a person overlook issues?
whatever.

I don't want the love. Seriously I cannot take the daily rejection the constant knowledge that it will always end.
I don't care how great you are together it will always end.
wow how fabulously redundant of me.

how am I passing the time?
dating. Movies. Work. Puppies. Cleaning. Horses.
music. Drawing. Posing for nudie girl websites?
yeah all that.
tattoos
cutting

reconnecting w/ old friends.
comic books
and one really good friend... A secret scary friend.

fucking disappointment as I am maybe it will all be alright.

and maybe I'll fly into the sun and fall into the sea.
Or is that a fate only left to the truly emotionally free?